10.25.09

lately, i seem to be the "go-to-gal" for my friends that are having relationship issues/difficulties. from these conversations, there are a few things that i have discovered. you should not be with the person you are with if any of these apply to you:

1. are you going through his/her phone? if so, that is sad - everyone is entitled to some form of privacy, and if you do not know who your mate is talking to, is it that big of a deal? honestly, it is just a sign that you do not trust them because when you do trust a mate, you know that they will tell you what is going on with them opposed to have to be inspector gadget and find that out in some sneaky way.

2. do you ever accuse them of lying? this is one of the most annoying things to me. do not question your mate's integrity. if you have to question it, you should question why you are there.

3. are there arguments where there is an overload of screaming, cussing or the worst - putting their hands on you? i hope not. you do not want a whitney/bobby relationship. that is not the business.

4. do you find yourself wondering why the person has not changed to fit you like pieces to a puzzle? answer: people do not change for others, they have to want to change for themselves. when looking for someone to be with, look for someone that is what you want already, not a fixer upper - this is not a show on hgtv, and fixer uppers as mates do not work out as well as they do on the shows. no matter how much money, time, energy and effort you invest, you still cannot change the person you are with unless they want to.

5. did shady circumstances bring you and your mate together? example: did your mate cheat on someone to be with you or vice versa? if so, what makes you think that your relationship with them last? people that cheat or do shady things to their mates do not just have flaws in their personality, they have flaws in their character. who wants to be with someone with poor character? definitely not me.

think about it.

10.18.09

i thought about this today and it kind of made me chuckle even though it is a sad truth...

when we are young, we are daring and carefree. it is because there is nothing to be afraid of - yet. as we get older and experience life, we become skeptics - so skeptical that we forget to live life. we become so guarded that we block out what we need most - love.

10.11.09

it is frustrating for me when there is an issue that needs to be discussed but nothing is said. communicating face to face should not be anything that we struggle with. from what i have noticed, people are quick to move towards technology to help them communicate - emails, ims, text messages, bbms, etc. what happened to the old fashioned way of doing things? meeting up to talk it out or at least a legitimate phone call?

while watching a rerun of grey's anatomy, meredith said something that answered my question...

"communication. it's the first thing we really learn in life. funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. or how to ask for what we really need."

why is it so hard to ask for what we need? we know what it is. are we afraid that the other person won't be able to give us what we need? or is it that we know that they are not willing to modify themselves or compromise? either way, communication is something that needs to be worked on. big time.