11.18.09

when i was younger, marriage is not something that i ever hoped or dreamed of. i guess i just didn't understand the hype - plus i was the little tomboy that ran around the playground with the boys, not braiding hair with the girls from my class.

after getting older and digging deeper, i realized that my reason for not being in love with the idea of marriage was because of my parents. my parents were never married although they have been together since 1985. i was born in 1990 and it was planned, but still, no marriage. the two of them did not see a point in it. my dad said he did not need a piece of paper to validate his love for my mom.

they separated when i was one, got back together, when i was almost four, separated when i was ten, got back together when i was twelve and have been together since (i am currently nineteen). talk about an emotional rollercoaster (be sure to listen to the song "emotional rollercoaster" by vivian green - it will be well worth your while).

anyway, this past christmas, my dad had this heart to heart with me. he explained that my mom is the only person he wants to be with - she knows him better than he knows himself and loves him unconditionally. put simply, a life without her is not an option. so, even after all these years, he wanted to tie the knot.

now keep in mind, my mom had all the benefits of a wife: love, trust, communication, security, stability, comfort and so much more. she also had financial benefits that most wives have - the mortgage is taken care of, her car payment and if anything ever happened to my father, she and us (my brother and i) would be well taken care of. so why marriage? why now?

my dad said my mom deserves to be married - she deserves that title and gratification because although she does not say it, she wants it - even if it is on some small level.

over this past spring break, my parents got the marriage documents. i did not think much of it - getting the documents is one thing, signing them is another. this past tuesday, my mom and i were simply texting one another like we do almost every single day. i asked her why she wasn't at work and she told me that she and my dad tied the knot. she was so excited. and my dad cannot stop calling her mrs. tappan. it is almost as if this is what they needed to make their relationship come full circle.

it honestly brought tears to my eyes - and for those of you that know me, i am not the teary type. it makes me that much more excited to get married to my prince charming - actually, my king; that is the only thing suitable for a queen like myself.

=]

11.9.09

love is overcoming fear.

10.25.09

lately, i seem to be the "go-to-gal" for my friends that are having relationship issues/difficulties. from these conversations, there are a few things that i have discovered. you should not be with the person you are with if any of these apply to you:

1. are you going through his/her phone? if so, that is sad - everyone is entitled to some form of privacy, and if you do not know who your mate is talking to, is it that big of a deal? honestly, it is just a sign that you do not trust them because when you do trust a mate, you know that they will tell you what is going on with them opposed to have to be inspector gadget and find that out in some sneaky way.

2. do you ever accuse them of lying? this is one of the most annoying things to me. do not question your mate's integrity. if you have to question it, you should question why you are there.

3. are there arguments where there is an overload of screaming, cussing or the worst - putting their hands on you? i hope not. you do not want a whitney/bobby relationship. that is not the business.

4. do you find yourself wondering why the person has not changed to fit you like pieces to a puzzle? answer: people do not change for others, they have to want to change for themselves. when looking for someone to be with, look for someone that is what you want already, not a fixer upper - this is not a show on hgtv, and fixer uppers as mates do not work out as well as they do on the shows. no matter how much money, time, energy and effort you invest, you still cannot change the person you are with unless they want to.

5. did shady circumstances bring you and your mate together? example: did your mate cheat on someone to be with you or vice versa? if so, what makes you think that your relationship with them last? people that cheat or do shady things to their mates do not just have flaws in their personality, they have flaws in their character. who wants to be with someone with poor character? definitely not me.

think about it.

10.18.09

i thought about this today and it kind of made me chuckle even though it is a sad truth...

when we are young, we are daring and carefree. it is because there is nothing to be afraid of - yet. as we get older and experience life, we become skeptics - so skeptical that we forget to live life. we become so guarded that we block out what we need most - love.

10.11.09

it is frustrating for me when there is an issue that needs to be discussed but nothing is said. communicating face to face should not be anything that we struggle with. from what i have noticed, people are quick to move towards technology to help them communicate - emails, ims, text messages, bbms, etc. what happened to the old fashioned way of doing things? meeting up to talk it out or at least a legitimate phone call?

while watching a rerun of grey's anatomy, meredith said something that answered my question...

"communication. it's the first thing we really learn in life. funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. or how to ask for what we really need."

why is it so hard to ask for what we need? we know what it is. are we afraid that the other person won't be able to give us what we need? or is it that we know that they are not willing to modify themselves or compromise? either way, communication is something that needs to be worked on. big time.

9.29.09

it is pretty common for me to hear someone refer to another person or situation as 'hopeless' and i don't think they understand the severity of the word. the word itself means - having no expectation of good or success; despairing - incapable of redemption or improvement.

i do not think that there is anything or anyone in this world that is incapable of redemption or improvement. people just have to be willing put in the work and effort to improve a situation. people also have to be willing to put in the time, effort and energy that it takes to improve and make changes within themselves. all people are capable of change and improvement, they just have to want it enough themselves.

you can take a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink. stop wasting time trying to get someone to change, they have to want to change for themselves. that does not mean they are hopeless, they are just not ready.

9.23.09

if i had more time, i would definitely double major and take up philosophy in addition to psychology, but since i don't, i will just settle for a minor.

currently, i am taking philosophy of the mind. every single day, i leave with my mind racing from the lecture/discussion held in class. today, the question we discussed was: how do you ever know what someone is thinking?

after much debate, the answer is simple - you cannot magically tell what someone is thinking by trying to put yourself in their shoes, analyzing them, or thinking extremely deeply about how you think they are feeling. private thoughts of the mind are overrated. what is not considered often enough is what is right in front of us, public behaviors. public behaviors provide us with the best clues as to what people are thinking. inner feelings are nothing more than public displays. now, i know you could be reading this and thinking to yourself, "what about the people that are good at masking how they feel? what about the manipulative bitches that pretend to be something or someone that they are not?"

that is when your skills need to kick into full gear. after experiences in life, one should and can distinguish genuine behavior from that that is artificial. some say that they cannot tell when someone is being genuine, or just simply do not see it as something that is possible. my answer to that is one of two things - 1. you just have not experienced enough, which is not your fault. in time, you will be able to tell if someone is the real deal. 2. you may just be in denial about what it is that you are seeing. normally, if you are really focusing on how someone is acting around or towards you, what you are seeing them portray is how they are feeling.

i thought that this made a lot of sense. rather than making excuses for someone and saying things like, "i know that is not how they really feel" or "i know they do not mean it", how about saying "wow, that is how they feel" or "it is what it is".

thoughts?