12.6.09

sometimes, the things that we are the most afraid of are the things that make us the happiest.

do not live life as a spectator - dive in, you will be happy you did.

11.18.09

when i was younger, marriage is not something that i ever hoped or dreamed of. i guess i just didn't understand the hype - plus i was the little tomboy that ran around the playground with the boys, not braiding hair with the girls from my class.

after getting older and digging deeper, i realized that my reason for not being in love with the idea of marriage was because of my parents. my parents were never married although they have been together since 1985. i was born in 1990 and it was planned, but still, no marriage. the two of them did not see a point in it. my dad said he did not need a piece of paper to validate his love for my mom.

they separated when i was one, got back together, when i was almost four, separated when i was ten, got back together when i was twelve and have been together since (i am currently nineteen). talk about an emotional rollercoaster (be sure to listen to the song "emotional rollercoaster" by vivian green - it will be well worth your while).

anyway, this past christmas, my dad had this heart to heart with me. he explained that my mom is the only person he wants to be with - she knows him better than he knows himself and loves him unconditionally. put simply, a life without her is not an option. so, even after all these years, he wanted to tie the knot.

now keep in mind, my mom had all the benefits of a wife: love, trust, communication, security, stability, comfort and so much more. she also had financial benefits that most wives have - the mortgage is taken care of, her car payment and if anything ever happened to my father, she and us (my brother and i) would be well taken care of. so why marriage? why now?

my dad said my mom deserves to be married - she deserves that title and gratification because although she does not say it, she wants it - even if it is on some small level.

over this past spring break, my parents got the marriage documents. i did not think much of it - getting the documents is one thing, signing them is another. this past tuesday, my mom and i were simply texting one another like we do almost every single day. i asked her why she wasn't at work and she told me that she and my dad tied the knot. she was so excited. and my dad cannot stop calling her mrs. tappan. it is almost as if this is what they needed to make their relationship come full circle.

it honestly brought tears to my eyes - and for those of you that know me, i am not the teary type. it makes me that much more excited to get married to my prince charming - actually, my king; that is the only thing suitable for a queen like myself.

=]

11.9.09

love is overcoming fear.

10.25.09

lately, i seem to be the "go-to-gal" for my friends that are having relationship issues/difficulties. from these conversations, there are a few things that i have discovered. you should not be with the person you are with if any of these apply to you:

1. are you going through his/her phone? if so, that is sad - everyone is entitled to some form of privacy, and if you do not know who your mate is talking to, is it that big of a deal? honestly, it is just a sign that you do not trust them because when you do trust a mate, you know that they will tell you what is going on with them opposed to have to be inspector gadget and find that out in some sneaky way.

2. do you ever accuse them of lying? this is one of the most annoying things to me. do not question your mate's integrity. if you have to question it, you should question why you are there.

3. are there arguments where there is an overload of screaming, cussing or the worst - putting their hands on you? i hope not. you do not want a whitney/bobby relationship. that is not the business.

4. do you find yourself wondering why the person has not changed to fit you like pieces to a puzzle? answer: people do not change for others, they have to want to change for themselves. when looking for someone to be with, look for someone that is what you want already, not a fixer upper - this is not a show on hgtv, and fixer uppers as mates do not work out as well as they do on the shows. no matter how much money, time, energy and effort you invest, you still cannot change the person you are with unless they want to.

5. did shady circumstances bring you and your mate together? example: did your mate cheat on someone to be with you or vice versa? if so, what makes you think that your relationship with them last? people that cheat or do shady things to their mates do not just have flaws in their personality, they have flaws in their character. who wants to be with someone with poor character? definitely not me.

think about it.

10.18.09

i thought about this today and it kind of made me chuckle even though it is a sad truth...

when we are young, we are daring and carefree. it is because there is nothing to be afraid of - yet. as we get older and experience life, we become skeptics - so skeptical that we forget to live life. we become so guarded that we block out what we need most - love.

10.11.09

it is frustrating for me when there is an issue that needs to be discussed but nothing is said. communicating face to face should not be anything that we struggle with. from what i have noticed, people are quick to move towards technology to help them communicate - emails, ims, text messages, bbms, etc. what happened to the old fashioned way of doing things? meeting up to talk it out or at least a legitimate phone call?

while watching a rerun of grey's anatomy, meredith said something that answered my question...

"communication. it's the first thing we really learn in life. funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. or how to ask for what we really need."

why is it so hard to ask for what we need? we know what it is. are we afraid that the other person won't be able to give us what we need? or is it that we know that they are not willing to modify themselves or compromise? either way, communication is something that needs to be worked on. big time.

9.29.09

it is pretty common for me to hear someone refer to another person or situation as 'hopeless' and i don't think they understand the severity of the word. the word itself means - having no expectation of good or success; despairing - incapable of redemption or improvement.

i do not think that there is anything or anyone in this world that is incapable of redemption or improvement. people just have to be willing put in the work and effort to improve a situation. people also have to be willing to put in the time, effort and energy that it takes to improve and make changes within themselves. all people are capable of change and improvement, they just have to want it enough themselves.

you can take a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink. stop wasting time trying to get someone to change, they have to want to change for themselves. that does not mean they are hopeless, they are just not ready.

9.23.09

if i had more time, i would definitely double major and take up philosophy in addition to psychology, but since i don't, i will just settle for a minor.

currently, i am taking philosophy of the mind. every single day, i leave with my mind racing from the lecture/discussion held in class. today, the question we discussed was: how do you ever know what someone is thinking?

after much debate, the answer is simple - you cannot magically tell what someone is thinking by trying to put yourself in their shoes, analyzing them, or thinking extremely deeply about how you think they are feeling. private thoughts of the mind are overrated. what is not considered often enough is what is right in front of us, public behaviors. public behaviors provide us with the best clues as to what people are thinking. inner feelings are nothing more than public displays. now, i know you could be reading this and thinking to yourself, "what about the people that are good at masking how they feel? what about the manipulative bitches that pretend to be something or someone that they are not?"

that is when your skills need to kick into full gear. after experiences in life, one should and can distinguish genuine behavior from that that is artificial. some say that they cannot tell when someone is being genuine, or just simply do not see it as something that is possible. my answer to that is one of two things - 1. you just have not experienced enough, which is not your fault. in time, you will be able to tell if someone is the real deal. 2. you may just be in denial about what it is that you are seeing. normally, if you are really focusing on how someone is acting around or towards you, what you are seeing them portray is how they are feeling.

i thought that this made a lot of sense. rather than making excuses for someone and saying things like, "i know that is not how they really feel" or "i know they do not mean it", how about saying "wow, that is how they feel" or "it is what it is".

thoughts?

9.20.09

start of a new school year officially begins tomorrow

words cannot express my excitement

if school wasn't so expensive, i think i would stay in forever

i love learning new things every single day

seeing as how i work at a desk for a few hours a few days a week, i think i will be getting back into blogging - there is not a better way to utilize this time spent online

junior year - here we go

8.27.09

"why we feel what we feel isn't logical, it's emotional."

-carrie bradshaw

8.23.09

after watching a series of movies and television shows this past weekend revolved around love, my roommate and i were talking about the movie serendipity. the definition of the word serendipity is: the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for. that would mean that everything is left to chance. is that true for love?

i honestly think so. a soulmate is a person that is perfectly suited to you in every way, shape and form. i think that how we find our soulmates is entirely up to chance and it comes when you are least expecting it. i am sure that makes me a romantic, which i never thought i was.

8.6.09

character is who you are in the dark.

7.29.09

it has been over a month

and i honestly miss this thing

stay tuned

6.17.09

over the last quarter, i have done some thinking about what the word home means...the literal definition of the word 'home' is "one's place of residence" or "a familiar or usual setting."

i have found that home means something different. it is not about being somewhere physically, it is about where i am mentally and emotionally. here is why i know this - i can be in my house, but if no one is in it, it does not feel like home. my house feels like a home when my family is present, especially my mom. i also realize that i feel at home whenever i am around certain people. i love my family but i feel like santa clara is becoming just as much of a home because of the people that i surround myself with while i am there.

i think 'home' can be defined as wherever i am the most comfortable being me 100% of the time.

6.6.09

"a true friend is one soul in two bodies."

-aristotle

5.31.09

just 14 days until i go home for summer

so much to do in so little time

wish me luck

i need it

5.17.09

game 7

los angeles lakers against the houston rockets

no need to trash talk the rockets

no need to hate on the rockets

you can have this mindset when your are confident in your team's abilties

let's do it lakers

i know you have this

5.13.09

it is amazing how being somewhere for such a short amount of time can completely change your view on things or open your eyes to new situations, opportunities and possibilities...

this stems from my 36 hour trip home this weekend to los angeles - i was home for 36 hours but covered enough ground and made so much progress in different aspects in my life that i felt as though i was home for months.

it brought this thought to mind - i always used to think that there should be a certain amount of time invested in a relationship before being able to say those three words, you know, the three words that only have a syllable each but carry more meaning than most other words in the human language when grouped together - 'i love you', but oddly enough, after being home for just 36 hours, i realized that when you love someone, you just know that you love them.  you have no control over how fast or slow it happens, it just does, and they are not feelings that just go away or disipate - they are feelings that stay with you if they are true.

i realized that i do in fact love someone and it is that 'wanna wake up next to you, listen to music with you, vibe with you, hug you and just simply be with you in every way shape and form' kind of love .

generally, i do not speak on things that i do not know as fact or from first hand experience, but after going home this weekend, i realized that this is a topic that i often spoke on but clearly had no idea about.  

with that being said, listen to this song by kindred the family soul called 'where would i be'

it made my week...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du7njrkF-Ik&feature=PlayList&p=F8468A1D05C9C282&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=13

5.03.09

it has been too long...

thought for the day: how bad do you have to want something to pursue it no matter the consequences?

4.06.09

found myself today singing out your name

you said i'm crazy

if i am, i'm crazy for you

sometimes sitting in the dark wishing you were here turns me crazy

but it's you who makes me lose my head

and everytime i'm meant to be acting sensibly you drift into my head and turn me into a grumbling fool

tell me to run and i'll race

if you want me to stop i'll freeze

and if you want me gonna leave

just hold me closer baby

and make me crazy for you

crazy for you

lately with this state i'm in 

i can't help myself but spin

i wish you'd come over

send me spinning closer to you

my oh my how my blood boils the sweetest for you

strips me down bare

and gets me into my favorite mood

i keep on trying and fighting this feeling away

but the more i do 

the crazier i turn into

pacing floors

and opening doors

hoping you'll walk through

and save me boy

because i'm too

crazy for you

-crazy for you by adele

listen to it

4.1.09

my dad was thoroughly surprised by his birthday extravaganza

bonding with my mom was fabulous
seeing high school friends made me want to go back to senior year for a bit

marilena and stomper fell in love 

and the beach was great

spring break was much needed

3.15.09

i like to randomly type in the name that people that i know on google images and see if anything interesting pictures come up or just how many other people share their name that do not look like them at all.  i realized that i had never typed in the names of either of my parents.  the picture of my dad that came up was one that was expected - something l.a.p.d related, but the one that came up of my mom was interesting.  it was her senior portrait.  the reason why it was the first one that came up in the search is because she was on the committee for her high school reunion and on the site, there are high school pictures of the people on the website.  and here it is...my mom was a dime, even rocking the curly fro.  this woman is the reason why i am breathing [literally and figuratively] and i love her so much.  she makes me a better person.  

3.14.09

does anything in life truly last forever?

that is a question that i have been asking myself regularly over the past year or so.

it seems like over time, everything seems to fade away or disintegrate entirely.  examples of that are things as simple as the color of our hair changing with old age to friendships from our childhood that we thought would last forever merely lasting from kindergarten to 8th grade graduation, and then maybe a year or so after that.  most of the couples that i know who are older, and by older i mean over the age of 45 have been married more than once or have had more than one serious life partner.  after looking at that, along with the statistics of divorce, it makes me wonder if anything in life can truly last forever, specifically the love that one person can have for another on a level that is deeper that is more than just being friends...on a level where you have found your soulmate.

thoughts?

3.12.09

just seven more days

i cannot wait to go back home to l.a.

there is something about the familiarity and realness of it...

and i miss stomper

3.10.09

the month is really flying by, but i am okay with that.

so usually, when i try to search for shows or performances that i would loke to see, none of the artists that really spark my interest or attention are playing in my area.  until yesterday, and i found these four great performances...

india.arie

my mom first introduced me to her and she honestly does not get enough recognition.  her songs and the delivery of them is nothing short of amazing.  one of my favorite's is 'brown skin' but she has a new album out, and i would strongly recommend it.

seal

so at this point, i am pretty sure my parents have some of the best music taste known to man.  my dad introduced me to seal in grammar school and i have been hooked ever since.  i have never heard a voice like his and it is breathtaking.  he is timeless.  there is something so attractive about him.  and i also love that he is married to heidi klum and has these beautiful children.  one of my favorite's by seal is 'lost my faith'.

bloc party

it is rare to find an album that you can play in its entirety without skipping or even having the urge to skip over a song.  if you haven't found an album like that, listen to bloc party.  i think i found them at the beginning of high school.  they are getting a bit more mainstream, but i do not think they get enough recognition either.  check out 'this modern love' - it would be worth your time.

last but not least...

the killers

one of the most annoying things about music today is that a large chunk of it all sounds the same.  the killers are the exception.  they have this distinct sound and the originality is what makes me love them.  in addition to that, their videos are mindblowing.  

finding out about these artists in addition to a few others that i have chose not to profile pretty much made my week.

good day all.

3.08.09

we often forget that to whom much is given much is tested

just keep that in mind

3.06.09

emotional rollerfuckingcoaster - that is what i would call the last 48 hours.  wednesday, i found out that i have a d in math.  this is like, beyond upsetting seeing as how i spend countless hours every week doing math homework, studyuing, going to tutoring, consukting with my professor and really just going that extra mile.  i cannot seem to do well on these exams.  for all of those that know how santa clara works, every class has a prerequisite, or that is at least how it seems.  so in order for me to take psych 40, i have to take math 6.  this is my second time taking this class so i do not know what i am doing wrong or what else i can do to maximize my efforts and do any better than how i am doing right now [dip on the rollercoaster].  originally, i thought that i might have to take math 6 a third time [rollercoaster going upside down], and the thought of that was laughable because that would mean that i would be spending the equivalent of a full academic year in a class that is supposed to be about a quarter long.  i was then informed by my academic advisor that as long as i receive a 60%, i can move on to psych 40 [a little bumpy] although i do not want a 60% for a class that i have been busting my ass in.  

today, i had a group project.  group projects are bullshit because no one ever does everything they are supposed to do and someone always falls short.  so i was shitting bricks until about 20 minutes before class when everything seemed to come together.  then i got a package from my mom with an unexpected note and gift.  somehow, getting something from my mom made everything better [the fun part of the rollercoaster].  i am just really looking forward to the weekend, the next 2 weeks flying by, marilena coming to see me & driving home together.

3.03.09 part 2

i have to say i normally am not a fan of when people remake songs.  i find that i am typically disappointed, and this is another exception.  cyndi lauper does not have anything on cassandra wilson's time after time.  check it out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySVWeao57m8

3.03.09

i have always had a thing for lenny kravitz.  his voice makes me melt and something about him is so attractive - with or without the dreads.  his rendition of this song is absolutely fabulous, so follow the link & you will thank me later.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVDbKvGukeU

3.01.09

first off, i cannot believe that it is already march. thankfully, there are less than 3 weeks until i go home for spring break.  i miss l.a. & i am pretty sure l.a. misses me...

anyhow, i have a thousand things on my mind, but let's start off with the good ones: the jamie foxx cd is a must have, i have been listening to it every single day since i got it...the same applies for adele's album titled 19.  i also bought this really cool book from urban outfitters & anyone that knows me knows how much i enjoy reading, but this book is the total opposite of that, it is titled 'all about me' and it is the story of your life.  it poses so many questions that run through my mind daily yet at the same time, it poses questions or inquires about topics that i would normally avoid discussing.  i would definitely recommend going to www.philippkeel.com

you will thank me later - trust me

so this isn't really bad, it just isn't as nice or positive but it is real.  i think it is important to practice what you preach.  i try my best to do that daily and i think it would be wonderful if everyone could at least attempt to do the same.  so if you think my blog entries start to sound like church sermons but i am just talking the talk and not walking the walk, let me know.

2.27.09

some of the people that attend santa clara are completely out of control. i just wonder why this young man by the name of alex thought it was necessary to throw water bottles and other trash onto the court during the gonzaga game, causing them to gain 4 points, and then a ripple effect until we lost by about 10 points.  you can yell or scream at the players from the opposing team, but there is a point where the line should be drawn.  and to think, i missed grey's anatomy for all of this...

on another note, i am so over midterms.  i think we should have all of our midterms during weeks 3 & 7, not weeks 3 through 10. so i have a spanish midterm today and a math midterm monday. i am not too worried about spanish but math is going to be difficult because i do not really do math. wish me luck...

oh, and i will be going out tonight - i deserve it.

have a great day!

2.24.09

some of the most simple things in like can be the most pleasing.  for me today, it was my shower.  there is such a huge difference between a 'five minute, in a hurry, i need to get somewhere' type of shower and the shower i had.  i had one of those, 'i am not in a rush to go anywhere, i have all the time in the world, i am going to wash and condition my hair a few times just for the hell of it' type of showers.  it was amazing, and that great shower was the start to a great day.  so i would suggest that everyone take at least one or two days a week to take one of these wonderful showers.  it will be worth your time, trust me.

2.18.09

have you ever watched something sad on tv that made you cry? i feel like most people have but i think what happened to me was somewhat strange. i cried because of something that was on tv but then i continued to cry, long after the show went off. i then realized that my tears only originated from the show, but the continuous flow had nothing to do with the show at all.  i couldn't really pinpoint my exact reason for crying at first, and i still do not know if i have hit it right on but i do know one thing - i miss lounging in bed with my mom & crystal and just being at home.  i am not really the homesick type, but i am so ready for spring break.  i just want to be in my new queen sized bed with the two women that understand me the most. that is all.

2.17.09

birthdays are something that i have grown to appreciate, love and enjoy very much - especially over the last five years ago.  many people have a favorite holiday, and if i had to choose one, i am sure that i could after some contemplation, but the best days of the year are people's birthday that you love & your own birthday of course.  i feel like people forget what holidays are really about, like how people go into debt after christmas, a day that essentially has nothing to do with them.  a birthday is the day to really go all out for because it is a day especially for you.  i was fortunate to celebrate by 19th birthday this past friday, the 13th. i don't really expect much on my birthday, it is just the one day during the year that i do whatever it is that i want to do - so i decided to stay in.  most people question why, but i was so exhausted from the week that nothing sounded more appealing than resting in my bed while watching movies & having people come to pay me visits. i thought my birthday had reached its peak around 8pm on friday, but i was wrong.

one thing that made my day great were the phone calls i received. anyone can send a text message, a facebook/myspace comment, an email - but it takes more time, effort and energy to just pick up the phone. to those that called me or physically came by my room - thank you for making my day so special.  and for those that mailed me something, especially my parents and grandparents, i am so blessed to have family like them.  anyhow, as the night went on, more and more people started to pour into my room. some came with happy birthday wishes, others with cards, some with baked goods, others with gifts for me, some with no idea that it was my birthday (which i didn't mind, i just like company), but the best is when the majority of my closest friends from santa clara stopped by - those 'ride or die' type of friends. the friends that are there for you through thick and thin.  now right now, we are in the middle of midterms, so i know it has been a hell of a week. i was not expecting big, extravagant gifts from anyone, but leave it to my friends to go beyond what is expected. these girls, specifically brittany, holly, leslie, teki and even one of my residents, sara made me feel like february 13 was the most important day that has taken place all year long. i finally went to bed around 4 am and i couldn't have asked for more.

saturday was valentine's day. and oddly enough, whether or not i have a valentine does not determine my feelings regarding the day itself. the beginning of the day was a lazy one, i didn't leave my building until 7pm, and it was nice to just be. i went to chipotle with leslie and teki & it was splendid as always. then we came on back, got ready and went out. the first party we went to was decent but the second one was much better. holly, theo & roni came along. it was nice to go out, have a few drinks, dance and just have a good time in general. i honestly believe that i could have some sort of sleeping disorder. i can essentially go to sleep anywhere regardless of the noise level, as i did saturday night in a huge arm chair at this extremely loud house. oh me, oh my.

sunday was more relaxing than anything else. i had made plans to go out to lunch or something of that nature with brittany, who i often refer to as 'budoop'.  now my budoop is not really like most teens in terms of how obsessed teens seem to be with having their phones glued to their hands. she is more of the - check my phone every other hour type, even though she is popular enough to check her phone at least every five minutes.  so just as i thought my weekend was going perfectly, her roommate who is also one of my close friends named holly comes over and is frantic. when i say frantic i mean looks like she is going to lose it.  she goes on to tell me this story about how brittany got home at 5am [which shouldn't have been the case seeing as how she was supposed to be gone for the entire night for valentine's day] and she was soaked from being in the rain, she was crying & she couldn't even undress herself. holly told me that brittany cried herself to sleep. did not want to talk about it, woke up at 4pm sunday and was just crying and sleeping all day. as brittany's best friend, this shook me up - brittany is not the crying type, so if she is hysterical the way holly was describing it, something terrible must have happened. so we decided we would all go out to dinner to change up brittany's environment.  we decided that we would leave around 7-7:15ish and i told them that teki and i would drive over to pick up leslie, holly and brittany.  when i got inside of campisi [holly and brittany's building], i was so worried about what it was that i was going to say to brittany to ease her pain and let her know that i am here for her no matter what. none of that was necessary since all of it was a lie/plot to surprise me. they opened the door, more specifically, brittany opened the door, fully dressed and happy. there were over 20 balloons, a cake with a candle and some of the best girls in the world in there. i was overwhelmed to say the least. they then tell me that i have been tricked [duh, haha] and that we have reservations at this restaurant called 'straits' at santana row.  it was wonderful, everyone enjoyed their meal, and i enjoyed their company. elisa had the idea for everyone to go around and say their favorite memory of me - this touched me deeply. it is weird to see and hear how close you are to someone, and going around the table showed me how close i am to each and every single one of those girls. we went back to brittany and holly's room where they proceeded to sing to me, we ate cake, elisa had to leave, but the rest of stayed and had talks about life in general. those five girls [brittany, holly, leslie, teki & sara] really know how to make me laugh...i will leave it at that.  anyway, i have never been that surprised regarding birthday plans, the gifts that i received that were so specific to me, and the even better gifts were the friendships that i have built with these girls.

monday, i went shopping at the gilroy outlets.  anyone that knows me knows that i love to shop.  since alan and juan were the ones that told me about these outlets, they had to come. leslie and teki are my shopping buddies and they came as well. it was so nice to get off campus and be in a different environment.  we all found some great deals, we got to eat at sonic which is one of my favorite places. leslie had never been, so i was happy she finally got to go.  we got back to campus.  i got a call from my friend meghan, she is also a cf in sobrato.  she wanted to stop by & when she did, she gave me this beautiful gift, the best card and the warmest of hugs.  it really finished off my weekend on a high note.  i had to do a social for my residents, and afterwards, we all convened in my room.  i like to proofread leslie's & she seems to do well when i do.  alan and i have become progressively closer over the last couple of weeks so we like to have discussions about life.  joe came back from san diego, and i realized something - he is one of my best friends sand knows me like the back of his hand.  i missed two people a lot this weekend from santa clara, both him and ajaya.  i realized that when we leave santa clara, i won't see them as often, and that really made me sad, but at the same time, it made me treasure our friendships now & how close we have become in such a short period of time.  anyway, alex, sara & alan were in my room until after 3 but i enjoy every second of it.  and to all of you that have not seen four brothers, watch it immediately.

my weekend was magnificent from start to finish.  the people that i would like to thank from home/not from santa clara: my grandparents, parents, brother, godsister, godmother, roomie, jessica, valerie, carolynn, audrey, old friends from grammar and high school & cousins as well; from santa clara, i would like to thank: teki, leslie, brittany, holly, ajaya, joe, meghan, elisa & sara. 

i couldn't have asked for a better birthday or better friends & family.

 

2.10.09 part 2

oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain...
so i went to oklahoma this past weekend
my great grandmother (my mother's father's mother) turned 80
and we flew into oklahoma to surprise her
it was probably one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen
there were so many people congregated to celebrate her
because she is the epitome of a strong black woman
a wonderful mother
a great friend
a beautiful person
and i want to be like her in every aspect when i am 80
and i hope 60 people come to surprise me and shower me with love
happy birthday malinda anastasia garrison
you are my hero

2.10.09

the most popular song by ingrid michaelson is 'the way i am'

but this song is some of her best work by far

its called 'overboard'

I could write my name by the age of three
and I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me.
I'm a big girl now, see my big girl shoes.
It'll take more than just a breeze to make me

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.

But as strong as I seem to think I am my distressing damsel,
She comes out at night when the moon's filled up and your eyes are
bright, then I think I simply aught to

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me.

I watch the ships go sailing by
I play the girl will you play the guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type
to fall, to fall, to fall, to fall to fall.

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me, you can catch-

I watch the ships go sailing by I be your girl will you be my guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type to fall, to fall.

To fall, to fall, to fall...

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me.

1.28.09

i have never been one to ask for help because i saw it as a sign of weakness but as i mature and go through more obstacles in life, i have come to realize that the real sign of weakness is not being able to admit that help is needed or just being afraid to ask for help at all.

1.21.09

over the last year or so, i have learned a great deal about what it is to be loyal. although many use the word loosely, i feel quite strongly about it. merriam webster defines the word loyal as 'unswerving in allegiance' or being 'faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution or product'. i strongly believe that any successful relationship will die quickly if both parties are not loyal to one another. this is not only applicable to relationships that involve intimacy, but with relationships with friends, family members, coworkers or anyone else that matters on some level. i put my all into all of my relationships to make sure that the other party does not only know that i am loyal because i verbalize it, but because of my actions.  if there is no sense of loyalty in any relationship that you may currently be in, i feel like it is a relationship that should just be let go. i guess what i want people to think about is...

what does loyalty mean to you? 

and if you can define it, how important is loyalty to you?

1.19.09

since january 1st, instead of making a new years resolution, i decided that i should just focus on ways to improve my life as a whole. one way i thought i could accomplish that goal is by spending more quality time with the people that really matter. anyone can hang out with 50 or 60 associates and call them friends, but it is much better to just spend time with the handful of people that are the most important - the ones that are there for you through thick and thin, the ones that can put a smile on your face, and the ones that understand what you mean and how you are feeling without saying a word. so for the last couple of weeks, that is what i have been doing and i have never been happier. i would strongly suggest that everyone try it - you will be much happier and feel that your time is well spent. so i think all i am trying to say is...

spend time with those that matter 

1.16.09

so i have been told recently that i need to do something for me - something that makes me feel free, gets my thoughts out, clears my head, etc.; this seems to be the answer to my problem. i am not here for anyone special, just myself. the more comfortable i get with other people reading what i write, the more intense and uncensored my blogs will become. i never intentionally hurt or offend people but i do believe in freedom of speech so be prepared. i probably won't do this everyday, but i will do it a few times a week. that's all for now.