1.19.10

over the last few weeks, i have been asking myself how long it takes to really get to know someone. some might say a few weeks, some say a few months, others may say years. i realized it is completely unique from person to person and situation to situation. what really matters is how well you know the person you are with.
ask yourself - how well do you know the person you are with? by knowing them, i do not mean knowing what their favorite color is or knowing where their favorite place to vacation is. i mean really knowing them, being able to predict, know and understand their inner thoughts. it has been said that a person's eyes are the pathways to their soul. i don't know how true that is, unless a lot of people i know have invested in some good quality contact lenses.
let me explain: see, i have been through a rollercoaster of relationships/dating/life experiences where i thought i really knew the person i was with. i felt like i could see through them - i thought that nothing he could do would surprise me (at least not in a way that would be bad). i then realized that i should not be so naive, although this realization did not just come about on its own, it came to me after being cheated on/lied to/deceived. then it became clear - i did not know the person i was with at all. no one that i know on that level, no one that i have invested that much love, time, energy and effort into could do those things to me - it just seemed impossible. so i wondered, how did i not see the signs? it is because love is truly blind.
when in a situation that seems out of the ordinary because the other person is doing something that is unexpected, ask yourself how well do you really know them? then remember this: you have no control over how much you know about a person - all that you know is what they are willing to reveal.
being the control freak that i am, this is not something that i like, but it is something that i have found to be true. and in a world full of lies and deceit, the truth is like a breath of fresh air.

1.18.10

"and i think that i know things may never change,

i'm still hoping one day i might here you say...

i make you feel a way you've never felt before,

and i'm all you need and you never want more.

then you'd say all of the right things without a clue,

but you'd save the best for last like i'm the one for you."

-adele, best for last

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIfqAKiNAZ0

1.12.10

being that it is january, i often hear people talk about making new year resolutions. the most common ones i hear as a female college student are studying more, drinking less, letting go of relationships that are not healthy, exercising and prioritizing. this all sounds good, but there is one thing i do not like about resolutions - they do not seem to last. by the beginning of february, it seems like most people slip back into the same old routine that they were in before. so this year, i did not make any resolutions. i just decided that i would try and live my life as a good person (which i already do) and continue to make good decisions.

i then decided that since i have no resolutions, i would instead, turn over a new leaf. by turning over a new leaf, i mean eliminating anything in my life that is not good like myself. by good, i do not mean perfect, i just mean i cannot take care of my friends or make people into things that they are not. this may mean that i have less friends to choose from - it also means that the quality of my friends will improve.

i am at a place in my life where it is okay to be selfish. by selfish, i do not mean not considering other people, it just means that i will put myself first and make sure that i am happy. i cannot bring happiness to others if i am not happy myself. my idea of turning over a new leaf means that i will be spending more time on me: getting to know me better, loving me more, exploring me to the fullest, pushing myself to the limit, simply enjoying me, myself & i.

it is january 12, 2010 and i am turning over a new leaf - try it.